Leadership is lonely – Kobe Bryant
The Roman Triumph
When a victorious general of the Roman Empire returned to the city, they were accorded one of the greatest honors known to history—a Roman Triumph. The victor would be paraded through the Caput Mundi (Capital of the World), in a divine-like state. The whole city would come out to celebrate this one man. Talk about a parade!
This man would be standing before the world on a chariot and directly behind him would be a slave, holding a crown over his head. During the greatest moment of this victor’s life, the slave holding the crown would whisper one of two phrases: memento mori (remember you are mortal) or respice post te! Hominem te esse memento! (Look behind you! Remember you are a man).
This tradition was a psychological check against hubris, reminding the victor that his glory was fleeting.
It was a reminder to stay humble.
The Pasifika Upbringing
Being raised by a Rotuman mother meant that humility was a value I learnt early. I was taught not to boast about my accomplishments and that I needed to stay grounded. An inflated ego was quickly burst by my quick-witted mother who managed to drag up unflattering moments of my childhood to bring me back down to Earth. My wife also seems to have taken up that mission since, reminding me that her duty is to ensure that I remember why I’m doing all this.
You can probably relate to my upbringing as well!
Our culture teaches us about restraint. We aren’t supposed to stand up and shout when our elders are seated. We aren’t supposed to talk about how many degrees we have or how long we’ve worked at a reputable institution, unless prompted.
Unless prompted.
I can’t tell you how many times I felt like my head was about to explode because I wanted to talk about my small wins but I had to stop myself because I felt that went against being humble! I had to wait until someone actually asked how my journey was before I could finally breathe again and talk about me.
Humility & Visibility
In our cultural spaces, humility plays a big role in creating harmony. Having social circles full of puffed up peacocks is a recipe for constant bickering. It is a social tool used to maintain order and has been for generations.
I also believe it to be an essential value for positive Pasifika leadership.
But how can you be humble yet visible?
You need to find the balance in knowing when and where to practice humility.
Through talanoa with interesting people that have founded amazing businesses in the Pacific (such a tech platform that is trying bring tourists authentic experiences in real villages), I found it surprising that while they were highly visible and effective leaders, they remained truly humble beings.
These people, like Orisi Samoce, are breaking the status quo which is quite the opposite of what we think about when we talk about humility. They are rocking the boat and blazing new trails. They’ve learnt that you can’t just sit back and let someone else run an idea that you’ve had. You can’t wait for someone to give you permission to speak. You can’t wait for your turn. You can’t be silent.
All the above does not mean that you can’t remain humble as well. On the contrary, humility plays a huge part in creating a more resilient founder!
How?
Through humility you understand that you aren’t the greatest mind to ever live (you don’t know everything). Through humility you understand that you need to right people to complement areas that you aren’t familiar or comfortable with. Through humility you aren’t stay even-keeled and not taken up with the highs and lows of being a leader.
How to stay humble?
I attribute my humility—in my “humble” opinion—to the women in my life. My mother continues to remind me of embarrassing moments that I sometimes wish she’d forget; and my wife is always by my side reminding me that I properly couldn’t have come this far were it not for her help.
I’ve also seen that in highly effective leaders who continue to stay humble. They have someone whispering memento mori!
In startups, this would look like a co-founder or advisor; in businesses, it would be an executive or board; and in most cases of successful individuals, it would be their life partners!
We need to carefully pick who we should be listening to. We don’t want to have echo chambers.
Beware of Hubris.
As I continue to talanoa with these interesting people, a strong indicator of success that I’ve now found myself looking for is a person or people within the inner circles of this individual’s life that continues to remind them to Look behind you! Remember you are a man!
Do you have someone like that in your inner circle? Are you ensuring that humility stays a core virtue for your leadership style? Are you able to balance humility and visibility? I’d love to hear from you!
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Alfred Tora 
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