I initially wrote this piece for a newsletter a few years back and just discovered it again today. I thought of the continued significance this article, and the exercise, has on my life—especially since the recent changes in the life of my family and I. I hope you enjoy it!
Stoicism.
The fact that this term has negative connotations in today’s society irks me to no end. It wasn’t always like that though. I used to think that stoicism was a mindset reserved for those helpless souls that were resigned to their lot in life. Obviously this wasn’t something I wanted to subscribe to and I’m sure if you’re reading this then you wouldn’t want to either. It was only last year that I happened across the origin of the term and the philosophy behind it.
Originally a school of thought founded in ancient Greek by a philosopher by the name of Zeno of Citium. Before we skip over the other boring tidbits it’s important to note that a man by the name of Marcus Aurelius, who just so happened to be one of the greatest rulers of the Roman Empire—and thus, the world—not only prescribed this philosophy but contributed immensely to it with his personal writings.
So what exactly is Stoicism?
In its very essence stoicism promotes positivity in one’s self, reducing negativity through self-reflection, and the power of the human mind in regulating these emotions. Does this sound exactly like what you thought it would be? If your answer is no, then you aren’t alone because I had those same assumptions myself! Ignorance is bliss right?
Now there is a catch! Stoicism, in its modern sense, has contributed to the masculine culture in the Pacific islands. When we’re asked to describe a typical Pasifika man we immediately think of “Big, strong, silent type”. The man who cannot be moved. Come rain or high water, we will be there to provide for our family.
This type of stoicism, in my opinion, has its roots in our warring past. Like the ancient civilizations that cultivated this philosophy – cue “This is Sparta” – we had to embrace the fact that our life was fleeting at best. From the ancient Greeks to the seafaring navigators that migrated and populated our sea of islands, they were aware of their mortal selves and this led them to focus on the important things.
Although this was a necessary coping mechanism for our kin of old, this has stunted the emotional growth of many of my brothers – me included.
Machismo.
This type of “stoicism” cannot continue! It only alienates us. As social creatures, we crave the affection that our families provide. Open yourselves up! As hard as it may be, this one simple advice does wonders.
For example, a few years ago our small Fijian community out in Utah lost a brother – Rest in Love Bruddah Jnr. Qoro. His passing was unexpected and it highlighted my own mortality. Conventional Pasifika procedure would have me internalize this emotional experience. This is not what I did. My wife, who was in Hawaii at the time, gave me a shoulder to lean on and space to vent my fears. Tears were shed. Progress was made.
From this one experience, I had an epiphany. The toxic assumptions that are associated with machismo are detrimental to our mental health! Bottling up your emotions is unhealthy.
Open up to someone! Share your feelings. Little is much.
Now I am no expert/black belt stoic at this point in my life – I wonder if anybody can be a master stoic – BUT I am working on it. So when Introspect extraordinaire and founder Shenal asked me for thoughts on growth through inward reflections, I immediately thought to talk about an exercise outlined in Marcus Aurelius’s Meditations. The exercise is called “The View from Above” and I cannot recommend this enough for anyone who yearns for growth but cannot seem to find a way through.
“You can rid yourself of many useless things among those that disturb you, for they lie entirely in your imagination”
- Marcus Aurelius (Last Ruler of Pax Romana)
Imagine that you were the documentary director of your own life. Obviously everything will revolve around you right? You’re the star of the show! Now a particular scene opens to a close-up of yourself before the camera starts to zoom out, first showing you standing in the middle of your living room and then your house, up and up until you have the “classic” drone shot.
Hold this image!
You’re now viewing yourself in third-person. Now imagine you’re looking down at yourself from space.
That coffee order mix-up at your favorite barista? Doesn’t seem so big after all right?
Your boss chewed you out for missing a deadline?
That scene doesn’t even register from outer space. So on and so forth…you get the idea right?
Now the objective of this exercise isn’t to devalue the experiences you’re having! In fact, it does the exact opposite. It’s done so that you can properly value these events in relation to the grand scheme of things. Insignificant!
“…for they lie entirely in your imagination”
It is hard though. I know because I struggle with this everyday. Self-pity is a great companion for the lonesome man but it blinds us from the opportunities that are in front of us. Maybe your coffee order mishap is a sign to try out that new place you passed the other day?
This exercise will push you to view your circumstances with a “bird’s eye view” that will provide you with insights to your introspective journey. The inevitable truth is that we face different circumstances and will have different experiences.
That is okay!
As long as you remember that you can zoom out any time you want and analyze these scenarios, you will have a sense of control that can get you through it.
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